you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My penis needs a shock collar
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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