1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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