I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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