I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
