You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
