Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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