dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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