you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
