Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
