so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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