White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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