I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
