On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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