We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
