I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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