No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
