Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
