will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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