i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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