she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
