he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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