They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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