I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
