EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
