didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
