He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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