just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im six kinds of drunk right now
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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