you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
