I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have already put on my inside pants.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
