After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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