Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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