right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
