Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
