Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
