...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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