Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How naked do you want me to be?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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