so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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