you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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