I think i peed on brittanys purse
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
