the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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