the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
