Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
