I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
