oh god the rape fog is back!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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