I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Pants are for mortals
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
