Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
