I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
