i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
FUCK WHALES
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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