he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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