maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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