This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
