This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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