I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
