ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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