I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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