Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
