why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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