During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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