Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She made me pour olive oil on her.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
