please come you make the beer taste better
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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