I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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