Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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