Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
