Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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