I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
