he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
