i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize