Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
