in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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