We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
40s are totally the cure
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
