Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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