I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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