seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
