took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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