last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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