what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
