Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im six kinds of drunk right now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
