I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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