he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
